just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
