next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
