So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
