We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
