can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
