I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
