i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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