We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
