Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
