Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
