i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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