why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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