textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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