My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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