They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
