I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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