Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
