How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
