the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
