Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
