Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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