DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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