My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I need mimosas to revive my soul
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
