I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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