Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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