Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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