Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
being pregnant is like rehab
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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