The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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