What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Your penis caused this!
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