Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
