i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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