I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
