HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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