i will never coherently bang her
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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