Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
