O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
