All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
