So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
