Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
