Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
