If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
