I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
