Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
