i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Randomize
