this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
