What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
