i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
