i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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