it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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