I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
