I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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