there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
