i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Houston, we have a blender
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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