If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
